So this post has been something that’s been on my mind since I started blogging it was always a should i/shouldn’t I situation. I do have full approval from my partner that I am allowed to talk about as this was something that happened before I was around, only a year before but still even though I do go through all the emotions and after effects with him I still wouldn’t write this post without his approval. Before me, my partner had two beautiful little girls aged 1 year old and 3 years old. It’s these little girls who unfortunately were murdered by their own mother someone who is supposed to love and protect them more than anyone in this world.
Long story short (if you have read my not all mothers are perfect and not all fathers are useless post you’ll know a bit) My partner(originally from the UK) and his ex had moved to the UK from Italy when they had their first child as he was no longer working out there and work was becoming hard to find. Eventually, my partner and his ex-had been having some relationship troubles and they were in the process of splitting up and getting shared custody of the two children. However she no longer trusted him one bit and fully believed that he along with his family was going to take the two away from her. He had no intention to take them away from her, he believed shared custody was the perfect thing for them they needed both parents in their life. She had called the police one day when he had left for work, claimed that he was beating her, so the two police offices who visited her took her off to a safe house with the young girls. There was no attempt to arrest him for the accusation that he had been beating her. No one told him where they were he rang the police in the early hours to say he didn’t think the girls were safe with her but no one looked into it like they did with her when she was taken to a safe house saying he was beating her. Hours later they were supposed to meet at the nursery the eldest was attending when he got a call from her saying she had killed them. Then a full investigation was started. I will say one thing she was fully body mapped by the police to check to see if he had been beating her and not one mark was found on her.
Do I think he could ever hurt me? No, not even emotionally never mind physically.
Do I trust him? I completely trust this man with my life.
Can you even have a normal relationship? Yes!
Is it hard? It can be at times.
Would I change any part of him? No.
It’s never going to be easy living with someone who has this past there are always going to be highs and lows, but the way I see it every relationship has highs and lows, why turn my back on someone because he had something happen to him that was completely beyond his control. I’ll be honest I’ve never had a relationship that is more rewarding this man is one complete gentleman! The way he looks after me is unreal, he always runs around after me like there is no tomorrow if I want a bath he’s straight in the bathroom before I’ve even asked. He’s the same with anything with me if I need something he’s straight too it even if I’ve got up to do it myself. He protects me just like my dad and brothers do, and for someone who would have lost total trust in women, he does trust me immensely.
To me my relationship with him is perfectly normal just as living with him is the same as anyone else living with their partner. He does have things that affect him. When I first met him he wasn’t able to leave the house, go to work, socialise with any of his friends. He’d spend his days hidden away from reality. I’ve seen a huge turn around with him and I couldn’t be prouder if I tired. I’ve seen this man on his best days where everything is possible for him and then I have seen him on his low days where he’s upset and annoyed. His low days are few and far between but that doesn’t mean on his good days he doesn’t get emotional.
I’ve witnessed some really low days where he doesn’t want me to leave for work yet he knows I have to. These days were hard for me without a doubt to see him like that wasn’t easy, never mind to leave him while I had to go to work. I’ve seen him completely breakdown tears streaming down his face because he’ll never see them again, he’ll never know what they were to grow up like. I’ve seen bittersweet tears when he’s telling me memories he had with them. I’ve seen him annoyed because he can’t understand why she would do that too them and he’ll never get the answers to the questions he has.
So what is it like to live with someone who has had to deal with murder?
To me, it’s the same as living with anyone else. The only difference is you have to have more patience with that person. There is a lot more that goes on in there mind a lot more they have to deal with. Everyone has a past and every one has baggage that they will take into a new relationship, it’s all about how you as a person chooses to accept it. I fully accept that things may be harder at times and there is the emotion that comes on without a warning. I fully accept there is part of him missing and I will never be able to heal that hole he has in his heart but I can try and make every day a little easier for him. There are days where I have to put sentences together for him because he can’t word it right, in his head he knows what he wants to say but he can’t get it out, I have to do that for him. We have also had to have conversations about the future sooner than most would because of what happened and I am younger than he is, so there are things I would like in the future and some of these things could have been make or break for us going further.
Everyone deals with grief differently, some cope better than others and some just simply hide it better than others. So some may find it harder to live with someone who has a partner that has had to deal with murder. It just takes a lot of patience and understanding. Tell them to let those emotions out, don’t let them keep everything locked up in their own head.
24 years for the “manslaughter” of two absolutely beautiful innocent toddlers is ridiculous in my eyes!! When the suspect confesses that “as long as he was suffering” that’s all that matter certainly says to me that was no manslaughter that was revenge on someone she no longer trusted in the most brutal way anyone could think of. I do understand some people may think my opinion on some of this could be biased as I live with him. But I also could never understand what pushes a person to cause that much harm in such a horrific way to two defenceless little girls.
You will be able to find the story about the tragedy on the internet. if you have any questions on it, I’ll answer the best I can.